Arizona Cardinals
1020 3040 50 4030 2010
THE
DESERT CARDINAL
C H R O N I C L E
"Cardinals News So Fake You'd Swear Arizona Was Always The Destination And Not The Consolation."
1020 3040 50 4030 2010
Arizona Cardinals
Breaking
State Farm Stadium field declared healthiest patch of grass in a 200-mile radius, remains outdoors zero days a year Desert heat officially ruled bigger rival than any NFC West opponent Cardinals mascot spotted doing pushups after every scoring play, personal record now in question Franchise's decision to leave St. Louis for Arizona reaffirmed as "still the right move" decades later Fans praised for maintaining hope despite franchise's rare gift for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory State Farm Stadium field declared healthiest patch of grass in a 200-mile radius, remains outdoors zero days a year Desert heat officially ruled bigger rival than any NFC West opponent Cardinals mascot spotted doing pushups after every scoring play, personal record now in question Franchise's decision to leave St. Louis for Arizona reaffirmed as "still the right move" decades later Fans praised for maintaining hope despite franchise's rare gift for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Warner Vault Curator Reports 'Steady, Predictable' Visitor Traffic

No further comment on what that traffic level actually is.

Red Bird Watch Volunteers Confirm At Least One Cardinal Was Spotted Near The Stadium

The bird did not comment.

Touchdown Tempe Merchandise Booth Reports Brisk Sales Of Something

Inventory records were, at press time, unclear.

Team Sources Insist They're 'In On Everybody This Offseason,' As Always

This marks the sixth straight year of the identical phrasing.

LaFleur Praises Locker Room 'Standard,' Declines To Define The Standard

Reporters describe the standard as 'a concept, mostly.'

Rookie Confused By Media Turnout For A Tuesday Walkthrough

Thirty reporters attended. Four asked about his warmup routine.

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